My Loved One Is Hurting! How Can I Help Them?

Estimated Time to Read: 6 Minutes

A Ministry How-To Article

Perhaps you’ve encountered a similar situation.   It’s late at night. You’re actively preparing for bed when the phone rings. You’re greeted on the other side of the call with sobs. Your adult child is experiencing the pain of a broken relationship or undue criticism at their job. They’re turning to you for help. Or perhaps you’re scrolling on social media, and you see a concerning post from a dear friend.  You quickly recognize something is wrong. As they grieve, you see them communicating their pain in ways that are foreign and hard to handle. They’re searching for help but don’t quite know how to get it. 

In either situation, you have the opportunity to love a cherished friend, family member, or a brother or sister in Christ, by coming alongside them and offering comfort. Likely biblical counsel and spiritual direction will be needed at some juncture (we’ll discuss this in a future article), but for now, these hurting hearts need comfort for their soul.  How can we do this best? While there are potentially unlimited ways to ponder, let’s briefly explore two biblical principles to guide you.  We will consider more in our next article.

Be at rest.

If I were to re-title Paul’s 2^nd letter to the Corinthians, I would likely call it, “The Believer’s Handbook of Comfort”.  This is exactly how Paul starts the letter, reminding these struggling saints of the “God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation” (2 Cor. 1:3-4a).  This is the starting point of all ministry.  We can only pass on to others the truths of God that have first been deposited into our own heart.  In other words, you can’t give what you don’t have.  If I do not have the comfort and rest of God within, I cannot be a channel of blessing to others.  Notice Paul instructs here that we are first comforted by God in every possible trial or struggle so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble. 

Whenever God offers you an opportunity to minister in this way, first take a moment for Him to capture your heart as you humbly place yourself before Him.  You often will not know the exact thing to say (or not say).  Take your own weary heart before the Lord and rest in His perfect peace (Phil. 4:6-7), allowing you to embody and actively live out that peace and comfort to your loved one.  You will be of little service (and possibly even detrimental) to your friend if you yourself are not comforted by God, resting in His peace and goodness. This requires deep faith in a personal God who is ever-present, providing our every need so that we may channel this grace and truth to others. 

The Psalmist captures this reality in Psalm 46.  In context, this song of praise begins with the faithful presence and secure help of our God in the midst of trouble (v. 1).  Despite whatever awful calamity or circumstance, the singer encourages us to “not fear” (v. 2).  This assurance crescendos by the end of the psalm in verse 10, “Be still, and know that I am God.”  Not only are we to remember that God is our “refuge and strength, a very present help”, but we are to be comforted to the extent that we can “be still”. 

In the midst of grief and crisis, emotions run high and can easily overwhelm. Even though, circumstantially, a thousand things could be occurring around us, our heart can find a place of stillness and rest in the reality and comfort of God’s identity and presence.  A silent prayer (and slow breath) can encapsulate these truths, giving us a pathway forward to remind our struggling hearts of these precious truths.  God is on His throne.  He is in control.  He is good. He is present. He is. As an essential first priority, you must consider yourself (Gal. 6:1) prior to being able to help another.

Be present.

Biblical comfort is unique.  In His earthly ministry, Christ foretold of a coming “Helper” who would be their “Comforter” – the Holy Spirit (John 14:16-27).  The original language paints a picture of coming alongside another to offer help and encouragement. What a living demonstration of God’s gracious provision for us! He comes near – side by side with us, so to speak – to bring us comfort!  How this stirs our hearts when we consider the access to God we have through the indwelling Holy Spirit and the finished work of Christ (Eph. 1:13-14; 2:16-18)! It is this coming-alongside type of comfort that Paul referenced in 2 Cor. 1:3-7.   This working definition offers us a starting point for how to tangibly express comfort to someone who is hurting.  It sounds simple and basic (because it is), but one primary way we can communicate comfort to a hurting soul is simply to be present with them. 

The book of Job offers plenty of living examples of grief. At times, Job’s friends and companions got things right in terms of meaningfully caring for their loved one suffering under the burden of indescribable pain. In Job 2:13, they are showing loving kindness and comfort in a tangible way to their hurting friend for “they sat down with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his grief was very great.” They spoke volumes to him without ever saying a single word as they simply sat with him – even on the ground. Sitting on the ground for this extended period indicates a season of grief and mourning.

His friends lovingly recognized the need for this lament (think about it, Job had just lost his entire family!) and came right alongside him in the dirt and mire of grief, offering their continued presence.  At this juncture, they read the room and didn’t feel the need to “fix” a single thing, quote platitudes, offer simple one-sided fixes, or deliver a theological treatise or indictment.  They appropriately gave time and space but with the tremendous comfort of their presence. 

In the brokenness of my own sorrows through the years, I have been comforted time and time again by precious family members and dear friends in the Lord who have rightly recognized my grief and came alongside me to simply be present.  They showed up for me in my adversity (Prov. 17:17) and spoke volumes to my soul.  They have been a living, tangible representation of God’s faithful presence in each dark moment. 

While the Job text doesn’t explicitly state so, it is possible if not probable that Job’s friends in “sit[ting] down with him” weren’t just present with him but also offered hugs and physical comfort as appropriate.  Again, we must be sensitive to the individual and always be appropriate in honoring the Lord (1 Thess. 5:22) but broadly speaking in Western cultures (i.e. North America and beyond), appropriate physical touch is often appreciated and helpful. Humility and an others-centered love of Christ should lead any such expression (Phil. 2:1-4). Nevertheless, Scripture guides us to be present, near, and attentive in whatever meaningful way possible for our loved ones during their suffering. 

Living in a highly mobile and geographically distant context like we do today, we may not always have the luxury or opportunity to be physically present with a grieving loved one. We can often leverage technology to still apply these principles. Perhaps we make a concerted effort to call or video chat.  I have sat silently on the phone, listening to the cries of a physically distant brother while occasionally giving vocal nods of attention and presence.  It may not be as good – but it’s a blessing nonetheless! A simple text message can communicate your presence and availability.  A card sent in the mail can be a physical reminder of your faithful presence.  Seek the Lord for creative ways to apply these biblical truths in every ministry opportunity He provides.

Where are your opportunities?

We will continue to build upon these principles by adding 3 more in a future article. Until then, ponder your own world. Where are your opportunities? Who is hurting in your world right now? Consider your family, near and far. Mentally thumb through the pictures of your church. Where is their grief? Where is their sorrow? Who needs comfort?  Seek the Lord and prayerfully consider how you can begin to embody the comfort He blesses you with to the hurting souls around you.  In what ways can you specifically be present for loved ones laden with burden?  Comfort begins between God and you and is further carried out between you and fellow hurting souls.  Be at rest.  Be present. God is working, even in the burden.

This article originally appeared in the Winter 2026 BBI Bulletin. Click the image below to view.